Junk Food for Thought

[Eni]

Everybody post silly 'bumper-sticker' style questions. Let's see what kinda good laughs we can get outa them!

Here's some to start:

What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice?

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Why is abreviation such a long word?

Why is it so hard to meet expences when they're everywhere?

Why is it that when you blow in a dog's face it gets mad at you, but when it goes for a car ride, it sticks it's head out the window?

Why do we still care which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Why did the turkey cross the road?

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

What is another word for "thesaurus"?



(vv These two are more just jokes, but I like them anyway! vv)
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?

How do I set my lazer printer to stun?

[Tgirl4God]

lol

[AirForceBRAT91]

heehee

my turn

Why is it called Common Sense if it's so rare?
Women need men like fish need bicycles

[Tgirl4God]

lol

[lizbeth]

aww, i used to have a huge list of these, but i don't anymore.

[Tgirl4God]

lol.....mym mom had a list too

[Eni]

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes froze the end of my nose.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Why is the word big so little and the word little so big?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and drycleaners depressed?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

So what's the speed of dark?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

Strange! No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Remember: you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar... Of course, how you spend your leisure time is your business.

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

Do pilots take crash-courses?

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?

If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?

Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

The severity of the itch is proportional to inability to the reach it.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

[AirForceBRAT91]

HA HA!

[Tgirl4God]

hmmmm

[lizbeth]

1. why is it that we think no one feels the way we fell
when we really all feel the same, just at different times?

2.Why don't they make Root Beer flavored ice cream?
Wouldn't it be better than root beer floats?

3.When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in
court do they have to tell the whole truth and nothing but
the truth since they don't believe in God?

4.Why do they report power outages on TV?

5.Why don't you ever see baby pigeons?

6.Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread?

7.You know that little indestructible black box that is
used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of
the same substance?

8.Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

9.Why is the blackboard green?

10.Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at
least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

11.If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?

12.If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make
TEFLON stick to the pan?

13.Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being
would eat?

14.Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long
words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

15.If we had a president that was a woman, would her
husband be the first man?